September 5, 2019
Before I start this blog post, I have to say a massive thank you to everyone who has been following along on my motherhood journey with me. I honestly can’t believe the amount of people who are invested in my new life chapter, and I’m so grateful. I now know how amazingly overwhelming being a parent can be, how little people talk about the not-so-pretty stuff, and I’ve always loved writing, so blogging just seemed like the perfect outlet for me. It allows me to share this journey and get feelings off my chest so to speak which in turn is sharing my feelings and experience with others so hopefully they won’t feel so alone. The feedback I’ve gotten so far from Grace’s Birth Story has been more than I could have hoped for, so thank you so so so much for that!
Probably the most asked question I get now that I’m a mom, aside from “Does she sleep through the night?” is “How’s motherhood?”
It’s such a loaded question that I don’t ever know how to respond except with, “It’s something, alright!” To which the inquirer laughs and usually agrees with me. But the truth is, there is literally so much involved with motherhood, that in a different world, new moms (myself included), could go on for a day and a half telling you exactly just how motherhood really is. Since we don’t live in that different world, you’re just expected to say, “It’s great!” And keep it moving…it’s very similar to the formality of “Hi, how are you?” When passing by a co-worker. Do you really want to know how someone is when you ask that question? Or are we just programmed to say that to people? What do people expect new mom’s answers to be when they ask, “So how’s motherhood?” Well…welcome to this blog post where I will tell inquiring minds EXACTLY how motherhood is…
It’s OVERWHELMING. In a good way and a bad way. The love I feel for my daughter is overwhelming, but so is the adjustment to my new life as a working mom. I’m trying to juggle keeping a clean house (failing miserably at that, so much so that when I take the trash out I feel like super-woman), keeping my two jobs afloat, being a good wife, cooking meals so we don’t just eat pizza every other night (also failing miserably at this so pizza it is!), and above all else, being the best caregiver I can be to Grace. It’s a lot and it’s hard and don’t even get me started on how people actually expect some women to return to work after only 6 weeks. I was so fortunate to be able to take 13 weeks (thank you full time job with benefits!) but some women aren’t that lucky and are expected to return before they are even fully healed from pushing out a child after 6 weeks are you kidding me????? Anyway, if you want to see me loose it, ask me about that…
It’s ANXIETY-RIDDEN. “OH MY GOD A MOSQUITO BITE!!!! WHAT IF SHE CATCHES WEST NILE DISEASE?!?!” I kid you not, Grace was 3 days old, I had just put her in her bassinet for the night, I looked up on my way out of the room and saw 3 mosquito’s just having a party in our bedroom. I tried squishing them but only succeeded in killing one. I had lost sight of the other two so I ran to the bathroom where my husband was just getting out of the shower, barged in with a panic stricken look and told him there were two mosquito’s loose in our bedroom and they can’t bite Grace because she’s only 3 days old and she will surely die. Guys, I can’t make this stuff up. When you’re a new mom, anything and everything is seen as being potentially harmful to your baby and you will become the Hulk to protect them. And yes, Hulk transformations are necessary, even for mosquito’s…
It’s EUPHORIC. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I feel in my heart when Grace smiles at me. Other’s had told me about this feeling, that I would melt into a pile of love-stricken mush when my child smiles at me but I didn’t believe them. I knew it would be cute and I would like it but I wasn’t prepared for the absolute bliss that would consume me. She hasn’t started laughing regularly yet, but the few that I have heard…be still my heart.
It’s EXHAUSTING. I have never been one to function properly on less than 6 hours of sleep…6 hours is even pushing it. I need a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep if I’m expected to be a pleasant, functioning adult the next day. Now I’m lucky to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I know I can’t complain because as far as baby sleep schedules go, Grace is on a good one. When she does wake up at 4am or 5am ready to eat, she’s normally in the BEST mood. It’s adorable and makes my sleepiness not so miserable. Thank God for adorable baby smiles (read above 😉 ).
It’s SURPRISING. Almost every single time I look at Grace, I wonder how in the world I was able to grow this perfect little human in my body, and bring her into this world. How was I able to do something so amazing? How is it possible that my husband and I made such a perfect being? She’s beautiful, smart, funny, inquisitive, she’s everything plus some and more than what I could have ever hoped for in a child. I often say to myself it’s not possible little ‘ol me is capable of something so miraculous, but then I remember back to labor and delivery and I get so proud of myself all over agin…yep, I definitely did that!
It’s so much more than just these 5 words, but I would be typing forever if I listed it all out and honestly, no one would read that! So what I have started saying when people ask me, “So how’s motherhood?” I simply respond with, “It’s life changing, that’s for sure!” With a smile as I think about my perfect baby girl.