December 12, 2019
I’m going to start this blog post first and foremost by being 100% honest with you guys right now, followed up with a much needed apology to all of my friends who became moms before me…here goes nothing…
When my friends would tell me that they were pregnant or trying to get pregnant, I would get sad for purely selfish reasons. I was happy for them because it was what they wanted and it made them happy, but sad I was about to lose a friend. I knew I was about to lose a friend because that’s what had happened to the multiple friends before them that told me they were pregnant. They would go along this pregnancy journey which I couldn’t relate to whatsoever, then they would have their babies and be catapulted into motherhood leaving me behind to talk about my fur babies and how much I love them because that’s the closest thing I had to relate to their motherhood experience. So while they were gushing about how little Timmy had just rolled over for the first time or how little Stephanie had her first experience with solid food a few nights ago, I listened and would think to myself, “Wow, you’re so obsessed with your kid, I miss my friend who would talk to me about anything other than kids.” And slowly but surely our get together’s would become less heart to heart because there was a little one that was added into the equation that needed scolding for trying to eat a knife, or feeding because he/she was getting fussy. I will come right out and say that it annoyed me. I couldn’t relate, I had no desire to relate. All I could think about was how sad it was to no longer feel connected to my friend because they were too busy being a mom. Well, here I am, tail between my legs, saying I am so ashamed at myself because I get it now…and I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry to all of those friends for not understanding and accepting such a beautiful season of your life. I feel so incredibly guilty about this, now that I can understand the deep obsession parents feel for their children. This apology isn’t enough and it will never be enough. I have always prided myself on my ability to be empathetic, but I failed miserably when it came to this, to the beauty and joy that is motherhood. Now that I have one of my own, I can 110% say that I am obsessed with her, and will proudly tell people that when they ask how everything is going. I am proud of her perfect little features, I am proud of her milestones, I am proud to say I grew her for 9 months, I am proud to be her mommy. I used to say I wouldn’t change once I became a mom, but I was so, so wrong. Motherhood changed me, but for the better. My focus is now my daughter and what her needs are. I’m constantly thinking about her, what’s best for her, if we’re doing enough as parents, how I could possibly make her happier, it was naive of me to think I wouldn’t change at all. That’s just how it is. Everything else comes second. I think I knew this deep down, when I would get together with my new mommy friends. I knew our friendship was now “second” and because I couldn’t put myself in their shoes, it annoyed me. I cringe just admitting this about myself, but it’s true. I hate that it took me becoming a mom myself to realize just how close-minded and immature I was being, which is why I felt the need to write this post.
All that to say, I know I’m extremely lucky to have the kind of friends I have. If any of them were annoyed at my annoyance, they never showed it, only tried their best to be present when we would find time to spend together. I don’t deserve their friendship, but I’m so grateful to have it. Thank you for being more than I ever deserved. Thank you for understanding my naive state of mind. Thank you for trying to be the person you were before you became “mom” when we would get together. Thank you for offering your support after I joined the mommy club. Thank you for being amazing friends. I love you all! Cheers to the best thing that has ever happened to us – becoming mothers♥